The array of trees look bright; boasting various shades of green. The grass along the roadside shows-off even more brilliant green hues. There are pieces of trash strewn every so often and the reflective mile-markers blur past my window.
It’s just another stretch of highway. Sounds like any old highway any of us might pass. But to me it’s familiar, marked with memories, and as the memories flash before me, the tears roll down my cheeks.
Twenty-four hours later and I’m sitting in a comfy brown chair listening to announcements, testimonies, and voices around me as we sing together a blend of choruses and hymns. It’s a church service at a campground and I can count on one hand the people in the audience that I know. But then the first chords of a familiar chorus begin to strum from the guitar and tears begin to pour down my cheeks. Again.
This has been my life for 4 months now.
It might be a song or a particular road. It might be a phrase or a memory remembered. Perhaps it’s the simple beauty of God’s creation or a bright purple shirt worn by someone walking past.
It doesn’t take much. The tears are always right there.
These tears are the outward evidence of the grief deep in my heart. Today marks 4 months since the death of my dear friend, Heather.
Heather wasn’t just a childhood friend, she was my sister without biological ties. She was 1 of 3 friends who have known me my whole life. Heather knew my joys and sorrows, my secrets, and my victories and failures. We grew-up together as friends and as sisters in Christ. And now, all those dreams we whispered long ago at sleepovers are being lived out today…and she’s not here anymore.
So the tears continue to fall. Washing the ivory foundation off my face, leaving salty taste on my lips, and a pile of crumpled tissues in my lap.
This has been my life for 4 months now. Grieving.
Grief is not new to my life. But grieving a friend who was more like a sister is new to my life.
It’s a new chapter that I would rather not be reading. But deep in my soul, alongside the grief, is a trust and knowledge that this is God’s perfect plan for both of us. And so I grieve...but not without hope. I know she is with Christ and that someday…only the Father knows when…we will be together once more.
So the tears continue to roll down my cheeks.
I take one step after another in this uncharted territory for my life and I cling. I cling to Christ and let Him wipe away my tears and fill my heart with hope.
With hope of glory!